You guys, so here’s the deal with this one. I have about zero interest in getting political, but as a woman and a mother raising boys I have an obligation and a voice in my head screaming at me to say something about our rape culture. Often times that voice is my voice of reason and it gets me through a lot, so I feel like it’s necessary to join the other millions of women and men voicing their stance on this issue because you know what – IT IS AN ISSUE – plain and simple. The only way we’re going to stop it is if we talk about it. Now, I know all men are not like Donald Trump or Bill Cosby (because you know this is going to get there right?) – in fact when I was talking to my husband about it, he was mortified. I’m about a million percent sure that the “locker room banter” as it was called never happened in a locker room my husband has been in. In fact his words to me were “who says that? Who does that?” and my response was – guys do. A lot of guys do. I’m also pretty sure that you’d be hard pressed to find a woman who has not been touched inappropriately at least once in her life.
Remember high school? How about college? Now, I have been to many a great party in my day during my high school and college years…lot’s of good fun memories at those things, that’s for sure. I’ve also been to the ones that aren’t so fun. Well, they started out fun, but a few hours and some drinks in and it could get dicey. I can remember a few times when I was at a party, you know, hanging out talking to a guy seemingly having a good time, and then it starts, the “compliments”…you’re so pretty, you’re so hot, blah, blah, blah. Trying to feed me drinks (that I’m spitting back into my cup so I don’t lose my faculties and keep my wits about me), hand on the leg uninvited, whispering in my ear “let’s go somewhere…you know you want it…(more coaxing here). That’s when I would make my exit – grab the girlfriends and head home. I was not going to myself in a situation I wouldn’t be able to get out of. Unless I was specifically requesting to engage in the activities being presented, one should NEVER assume it was going to happen. EVER.
Remember going to night clubs? Night clubs are so freaking fun! I love to dance and I love a good club. Even though it’s been a trillion years since I’ve actually been to one!! I don’t love the guys that are all over you on the dance floor uninvited. Listen, I’m happy to dance and have a good time don’t get me wrong – but don’t touch me especially if you don’t know me, and don’t ever assume you’re getting something out of me. Period. I don’t care if I’m wearing a mini skirt and a tube top…I could be wearing a freaking thong and a band aid for all I care – it does not give any man the right to touch or assume I’m looking for “a good time”. And while we’re on the subject of clothing – the outfit I want to wear may not be your idea of appropriate and you know what, it doesn’t matter. I chose to wear it, it’s not a representation of my character or my moral compass. Do not assume otherwise. Until I tell you I’m interested, assume I’m not.
Remember going on a date and having a guy get a little too handsy? I was never a dater – I can probably count on 1.5 hands the amount of times I’ve been asked out on a date. Seriously. So let’s say that I’ve actually been on 7 first dates in my life. Five of those did not result in a relationship, the other 3 ended up being long term boyfriends. I would say 2 out of the five presented some kind of inappropriate behavior. Here’s the thing, again, just because you bought me dinner and a movie or something of the like, it does not entitle you to touch me, assume I want to make out with you or engage in any other kind of intimate activity. Unless I tell you to your face, while completely sober, that I have any interest, assume I don’t.
These instances are all very well in the past – like 20 plus years, and honestly not something I really gave any thought to until Friday. Until the guy who is trying to be President of our ALREADY GREAT country was caught. On tape. Saying things that no man should ever say about a woman – especially in a locker room. What you do in your private life is none of my business. If you want to be a cheater, go right ahead, no skin off my back. But you cannot be a rapist, and that’s what you are. Inappropriately touching another human being without consent and boasting about it because you’re a celebrity is disgusting. You are not a valid representation of men. In fact all of the men I know are so far away from the man you are you’ll never ever be at their level. I know this – my son’s will never treat other people the way you do. They know the value of humanity. They have been taught to respect women especially when it comes to personal intimacy. Even thinking it’s okay to say the words you said is wrong on so many levels. My boys, at the ages of 10 and 4 have more kindness, compassion and love for other humans than you have in your pinky finger.
This is not about a Presidential race. This is about morality. It’s about ethics. It’s about respect for other human beings. When all of the allegations come out as truth, and they will, you should be the one in jail.